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  • Sonny's Story | Tough As A Mother

    May 22, 2021 4 min read

    Lara Wilson is a very kind, talented woman and a mother of 3. In this video, Lara shares the heartfelt story of her angel baby Sonny.

    Video Transcript

    My name is Lara Wilson and I'm married to Scottie Wilson. We've been married for about eight years, in November it will be our anniversary. We both lived in Utah when we met. We started having kids pretty quick after we got married, I had Harvy about a year after we got married so it was really fast. Harvy is now almost seven, his birthday is next week, and we had Finn just under two years after that.

    By the time Finn was four we had finally wrapped our minds around adding to our family and got pregnant really quick. We found out it was a boy, and we were so excited to have another little brother running around.

    I had this motherly intuition from the very beginning, I had a lot of anxiety about my pregnancy. I was trying to put my mind at ease, but in the back of my head I had this anxiety that something was wrong.

    We had a specialist come in and she went over the whole scan of the baby and she turned to us and she said "your baby is very sick, I'm really worried about your baby." It really doesn't make any sense, but we felt as peace with everything, even though everything was crashing down all at once.

    The NICU journey was hard. Over the course of his time there he had an intestinal surgery at two days old, he had countless procedures and medications. He went through so much during those couple of weeks, but things were starting to look up. His breathing on his own was getting better, they were slowly tapering him off the breathing machine. We were able to hold him more, and things were looking up. We were thinking "we just have to get through this, he's beat everything else, he's gonna do this."

    My husband got a phone call from the hospital, and they were very vague, but they said "you and your wife need to get here immediately." They didn't tell us what was going on. We walked into the NICU, and I looked to his corner of the room and there was doctors everywhere. I see through a little window of the doctors and I can see him. I thought he was gone, from the way that he looked. He was purple.

    It was horrible. I walked over to his bed and I fell on the floor. I thought that was it, that he was gone. I remember one of the doctors coming over to me and saying "it's not over yet, he's still with us."

    His heart was decelerating down to the point where they started giving chest compressions. It was such a nightmare. I couldn't believe I was experiencing that in that moment. After a few minutes of chest compressions they turned to me, almost for approval for them to stop. So I had to tell them that it was okay to stop.

    I wanted to hold him before his heart completely stopped. They unhooked him from all of his tubes, and they handed him to me while he was still alive. I was able to comfort him and hold him and tell him that it was okay. He had done what he could, and he had fought so hard, and it was okay for him to go. As hard as it was for me to say, I just felt like I had to tell him that.

    Within probably two minutes, he passed away. We were able to hold him, all through the night. They got us a room at the hospital, so we could hold him and be with him as long as we wanted. It was really hard, but it was also really special. I think we needed that.

    What helped you most during such a difficult time?

    I think what helped me the most getting through the situation was my friends and family, and people I didn't even know. I think one of the huge blessings of social media now is the connection that it can give you to new people, and the love that you can feel from people that aren't necessarily in your close circle. My husband would agree that the outpouring of love that came from the very beginning of our situation, and that still carries on now, is so overwhelming.

    Advice for women experiencing similar trials?

    Just give yourself the permission to feel the emotions that your feeling in that moment. It's completely normal to feel sad or stressed or angry, just feel those things. I think I would say just take it one day at a time. If you try to look at the end picture, like how am I going to get through all of this? Like months from now, what is my life going to look like when this happens? It's just way too overwhelming to try to think about that.

    Just get through the day. Just getting through what you're going through in that moment is really the only way that I felt like I was able to survive. Just take it one day at a time and give yourself grace for how you're feeling and what you're going through.

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