In every change in life, the people, places, and circumstances around us change. This is never easy. Finding friends that relate to where you are in life helps ease that burden of change.
Becoming a mom can be one of the most life-changing experiences a woman can ever go through. She changes physically, emotionally, and socially. These changes can feel disorienting and even discouraging.
First, let's give you permission for three things:
It is important, almost necessary, to get some time away from your kids. This does not make you a bad mom. Motherhood is a mental, emotional, and physical job, which means you need a break.
Give yourself time away from the kids by leaving them with relatives, a babysitter, etc.
Spend some time with your friends you already have. Keep those relationships alive. Nothing is more defeating when you feel like you have to parent your children alone with no extra mom help.
Spend a night out with your girlfriends and do something fun that you don't have to worry about your kids.
Kids take so much out of your time and energy, but having kids does not mean having no life. As long as you make the time and stay firm with your schedule, you can keep the different parts of your life organized.
Making friends however, does not have to exclude your children either. There are plenty of classes for new mothers like Mommy and Me where new moms come to learn about such an important job. Just remember that you are not alone in what you are going through and someone out there is going through it too.
There is an African proverb: "it takes a village to raise a child," and it is true! There is no shame in this. If you need some space, you can recruit your friends, family, husband, or babysitters to help you out. Take a break, breathe, and you will be surprised how much more patient, loving, and kind you will be with your kids. A life outside your home life is essential to being the anchor of your family.
Here is a list of ideas of how to get meeting other moms:
Your neighbors will never be able to meet you if you are going inside immediately after arriving home and staying there. Leave the house, take the kids outside, and be brave about talking to others. You never know who will be your next best friend.
Moms, and their kids, get invited to different events and parties. Just say yes! The circumstances will never be perfect to do anything, but the imperfect efforts will help those new friendships thrive.
Round up the moms you know and plan a Mom Night! Get out and have fun together! Chances are, you will all need a break!
There are so many pages and groups dedicated to moms. Try to keep it local and search mom groups. Many of them are dedicated to education and information. Really focus on this one if that's what you need.
Serving other moms helps them really remember and like you. Giving their kids rides does more help than you would think.
As you take your kids to practices, games, school, and play dates, you will meet other moms. Learn to talk with them as you come into contact with them and your mommy network will grow!
Get the kids involved! Sign your kids up for their favorite activities. It does not have to just be sports. There are clubs for those who aren't sporty. If there aren't any clubs for your children's favorite hobbies, start one! Use social media to help get this started and ask around to the people you know for more people to reach out to.
Being the same age is less important as being in the same stage of life. Most moms with kids at home understand how it feels. Sometimes it is best to make sure your kids are about the same age.
If there is one thing you can expect people to be, is people. You will not get along with everyone perfectly and that includes moms. Make sure those friends you choose are right for you and help you more than burden you. You'll want to have the same values and parenting styles. Don't let anyone manipulate you into being their friend.
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